Wooshhhh

As again, i had trillion things in my mind - yet when i was about to write, it just "woosshhh" out of my mind.

Maybe like it or not, i'm blocking things out of my mind.. (how much it is for psychiatry fee in Malaysia? where can i get it?). All of the sudden, i just don't remember some parts of my life. Comes along a friends says .."ohh you were like this like this before.. " and i'm like "really? that was ME???!!" denial start flooding in my brain. Like a program:-

If Memory = 0

If Memory = half of 1

Then run Denial

Else run Act Like You Know

Sometimes i feel i'm funny - because i don't remember - and trying to act like you're a new person - shedding all those old rotten wrinkling leaves - happy me.... as i said, i may have sub-conciously block all those memories and left all those embarassed, angry moments in my mind. I feel like the "Butterfly Effect" movie. And how i wish i can go back there to debug and rectify the error.

Anyway, someone took that incredible time to keep lock those feelings for so long - and it didn't turn out that well. To confess was a big deal to him, but i took it lightly - LIKE I DIDN'T HAVE PROBLEMS myself! I had major problems until i don't even know where to begin. If i do begin, people will choke - "can't breathe can't breathe - i need air, help air" - and maybe i just blurt all out - until everything is scrambled and any of it eventually doesn't make sense.

:)

Going to check out what psychiatrist we have in Malaysia. - at least he/she doesn't know me.... :)