Anatomy

You know, if you want to find a channel that makes you laugh, you ought to go to a comedy programme like senario or the kings of queens, or something like that. Instead, i go to watch Grey's Anatomy for my laughter. It relieves me. I think i watch too much serious shows -- thus making me the person i am. Dull.

As what Frodo said to Sam " i don't think i can go on, sam...". That's how i feel right now. I have to refocus. regroup. don't pretend. don't dream. start living.

I guess, that's how i connect to Grey's Anatomy. It's how they feel inside which they don't want to say -- yet, it's torn between what is realistic and what it they want or feel they want to happen. McDreamy. "it will pass..."

So... - I have to keep this straight attitude that 'it will pass'... but the only thing i need to figure out is, 'pass in what way?'

'Pass' in which i find away to adapt to it -- and not feel hurt? 'Pass' in which i paint a red brick wall barrier in my mind (which i loved use this option based on unwise experience) and inject words like "ignore", "control your life", "who cares" in my brain? 'Pass' in which i reset my history buttton in my brain (oh ohh.. i love this option too) and make 'pass' as 'Past'?

*fuhhh......*

two things i found out during raya:

1. I sound more and more like my mother (which i TRY ALL OUTS to avoid being her. am i getting too old?)
2. I'm going back in circles. the one i hate most - is the one that can save my sanity.

and i can feel it in my bones, that this is becoming unhealthy for me (also based on unwise experience). as if i'm coming to a dead end. check mate. i lost it. i lost the purpose. and because of this, im in limbo. not sure whether i should get a new purpose... or invest to search on the lost purpose (and trying to figure out whether that purpose is just a dream/fantasy or this it does have some gravity in it).

I this is will take the third 'pass' for the timebeing... and making the period of 'passing' as 'pastime'.