Fear

Fear - (to Yoda) means a sense of belonging to evil. Self healing is vital to overcome fear.

Wooshhhh

As again, i had trillion things in my mind - yet when i was about to write, it just "woosshhh" out of my mind.

Maybe like it or not, i'm blocking things out of my mind.. (how much it is for psychiatry fee in Malaysia? where can i get it?). All of the sudden, i just don't remember some parts of my life. Comes along a friends says .."ohh you were like this like this before.. " and i'm like "really? that was ME???!!" denial start flooding in my brain. Like a program:-

If Memory = 0

If Memory = half of 1

Then run Denial

Else run Act Like You Know

Sometimes i feel i'm funny - because i don't remember - and trying to act like you're a new person - shedding all those old rotten wrinkling leaves - happy me.... as i said, i may have sub-conciously block all those memories and left all those embarassed, angry moments in my mind. I feel like the "Butterfly Effect" movie. And how i wish i can go back there to debug and rectify the error.

Anyway, someone took that incredible time to keep lock those feelings for so long - and it didn't turn out that well. To confess was a big deal to him, but i took it lightly - LIKE I DIDN'T HAVE PROBLEMS myself! I had major problems until i don't even know where to begin. If i do begin, people will choke - "can't breathe can't breathe - i need air, help air" - and maybe i just blurt all out - until everything is scrambled and any of it eventually doesn't make sense.

:)

Going to check out what psychiatrist we have in Malaysia. - at least he/she doesn't know me.... :)

To add salt to the wound, here's another song

Would you know my name
if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand
if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...

Those days when u just want to feel blue and sing....

Shadows grow so long before my eyes
And they're moving across the page
Suddenly the day turns into night
Far away from the city
But don't hesitate 'cuz your love won't wait
Ooh baby I love your way (everyday)
Wanna tell you I love your way(everyway)
Wanna be with you night and day

I can see the sunset in your eyes
Brown and grey and blue besides
Clouds are stalking islands in the sun
I wish I could buy one out of season
But don't hesitate 'cuz your love ('cuz your love) won't wait
Ooh baby I love your way (everyday)
I Wanna tell you I love your way
I Wanna be with you night and day
Yeahhh.. hey hey hey heyyyyyy
'Coz baby I love your way....