actually, i've never done this before. typing a blog about my life... it's so untypically me..
Used to write - just write - scribble on a piece a paper (which i usually forgot to put the date and time) and i just kept it in a folder. scribbling things that your just don't want to share it people - but want to get out of your head - to STOP thinking - to STOP crying and to STOP feeling bad about yourself.

Feeling about yourself is your own wrong doings. you can't point a finger at anyone. you wanted to feel this way - you wanted to act this way. Just stop thinking rini .. stop!

like always - so much in me that i wanna write. so much things i thought about to write... but it sometimes doesn't makes sense. Doesn't make sense at all.

why do i feel this way? why do i feel rotten? i just went shopping for god's sake - what's so rotten about that? do i feel lonely? am i paying the price like what intan said? is this the long term price that i didn't realise ?



God.. i wish i could remember what i was before.. i wish i could remember how i felt before. nuthing came to me! nuthing!! it's like i've got brain washed or something... (or was i the one who wanted to brain wash myself - become new person - never liked the way i was....)
How in the world did i ended up like this? how? howwww...